Updated: Aug 17
What if you trust in your own love?
for your people.
for your God.
for your communities.
for your world.
Nov 15, 2021. Yes, I rang the bell and we celebrated the end of 3 months of weekly chemo-tion.
Yes, and... I’m still infused with Herceptin every three weeks through the end of August.
Valentine’s Day, 2022. At every Herceptin infusion I’m still bringing along Stuffie Raven, a gift from my 5-year old friend. And… I’m still texting my 5 year-old friend with a pic and a message while I’m being infused.
Yes, and I’m still bringing along my ocean-colored blanket, a mug with my favorite tea bags, and the hat I bought on our family vacation to Seattle after my mastectomy and before all this chemo-tion started.
What’s important about this for you?
Our TRUST. It’s everything. We’ve got oceans of love. We're surrounded by love on every side. Whether we see it or not, whether we feel it or not--love remains inside us, around us and moves through us.
Oh, I know. We may be exhausted and ready to drop. We may be undone by our day-to-day hella-hard realities.
Throughout this Breast Cancer journey I’ve been coming undone. I’m untethered in ways my words won’t be able to describe. This untethering lives in places and spaces beyond where words live.
Still, my love stays with me and it's tenacious. Love won’t leave even when my emotions tell me otherwise. My love isn’t failing me, and I know it never will. It’s impossible to lose. I’m learning to trust in my own love.
What about you? What might become possible if you trust in your own love?
Trust stands in front of me, eyes locked with mine.
Squirming, I return my gaze.
What choice do I have?
“What is it? What do you want?” I ask.
No response. But that’s expected—only those eyes, unwavering.
Odd, isn’t it? This staring.
No longer squirming, no discomfort here.
Seeing eye to eye.
Trust those eyes, deep pools of blue.
“Ocean eyes,” I think.
Still, we stand.
Eyes bound to the other.
Rest. Trust this ocean of stillness.
No words arrive to offer answers.
I will not find words here, only Trust in these eyes.
Best to rest, afloat.
When did we stop standing?
How did we float to sky, Trust’s ocean-eyes still one with mine?
I am untethered. Trust here in this untethering.
Eye to eye we float in ocean eyes of sky and clouds and water.
Rest. Trust. I am untethered. I am free, with Trust.
All shall be well.